1 Simple & Effective Way to Cope with Mom Guilt
Updated: Jan 26, 2022
Are you looking for one effective way to cope with mom guilt? I know this feeling all too well.
Motherhood is so unpredictable. One morning you wake up and panic because your child overslept so you're afraid something is wrong. Other mornings you wake up with a shadow gleaming over you and you jump out of your skin but it’s just your toddler saying, “I’m hungry”. It’s unpredictable. It’s messy. It’s beautiful. There are days I absolutely love it and there are days I absolutely hate it. Does that make me a bad mother for hating it? No. There’s something that I heard not long after becoming a mother and it described perfectly the feeling that I held so deeply inside of me some days when motherhood was extra hard. It’s ok to mourn your life before kids. Yep. There I said it. I used to feel guilty when I caught myself doing it.
The mom guilt was like a pit in the bottom of my stomach that whispered to me I was the most ungrateful human ever. That some women long for years and try for children and here I am mourning my life with no children. That pit would be pushed down farther deep in my stomach and I would feel lonely because I thought I was the only one feeling this way. Then I discovered as I sat down with my best friend and talked about mom life, that in fact I wasn’t lonely at all in my feelings. So many moms mourn their life before children and you know what, that’s ok. It’s normal. It doesn’t mean that you don’t want kids or wished you never had them. That was what the devil on my shoulder was telling me that I should think. It simply means that you’re reminiscing on a part of your life that you enjoyed. And I know what you’re thinking.
If I enjoyed that part of my life and I’m reminiscing, then that means that I don’t enjoy this part of my life. You could in that moment not be enjoying motherhood, especially if you have a screaming baby with tummy troubles and you're rocking back and forth in the nursery chair with your eyes twitching thinking is this baby ever going to stop screaming. Oh, is that just me? It’s ok to not love the current moment of motherhood you're living because tummy troubles are tough with babies. You hate to see them in pain, and it hurts you to your core.
That doesn’t make you a bad mother for dreaming of back in the day when you slept in until 10:00am. Or when you ate whatever you wanted to whenever you wanted to and went where you wanted to without spending an hour organizing the rest of the day in your head and packing a bag that weighs like a hippo riding on your back. I cringe when I hear other people push their opinions of how if you complain for one second, you’re ungrateful. It’s ok to express frustration at times. It’s ok to not be happy with something because guess what? Life is HARD. Give yourself some grace momma. Please don’t spend any time thinking that you are a bad mom because you have those feelings. It’s perfectly normal. Something I do when I find myself in this boat because it happens from time to time is pray. I thank God for my beautiful kids. I tell Him that life is hard right now and I’m struggling. I thank Him for giving me the chance to be a mother and to be a mother to the children He gave me. While this is no easy task praying this prayer especially with your toddler having a meltdown in the car because you didn’t turn the direction he said to, but if you practice praying during those moments that you mourn your old life and you're having mom guilt for even wishing you were there for just 1 day, pray this prayer. Dear God, You are all powerful. I trust in you and I know you direct my paths. My love for you is greater than anything I’ve ever known. Thank you for giving me my child(ren). There are times that I feel overwhelmed. Please give me strength to push through the difficult times. Please help me show love to my child(ren) when I have a hard time controlling my emotions. Please help me remember that it’s ok to think of my life before my child(ren) and to sometimes wish I was there because there are beautiful parts of my life that I wish to remember. Help me love myself when I don’t feel worthy. Help me remember why you sent your son to die on the cross. Because you love ME. In Jesus name I pray, amen. I feel peace when I pray this prayer and I hope that you find peace in this too. If you need to print that prayer on a sheet of paper and keep it with you, please do.
It’s hard to remember anything with screaming kids around you. It helps me cope when life seems full of chaos. It keeps me grounded most days. I hope that you find peace in this prayer and hope that you will always know that it’s ok to remember enjoyable parts of your life before kids.
You are an amazing mama! Keep running your circus. God chose YOU to take care of those monkeys!